Why People Reject Us
- kristiana peric
- Mar 7, 2024
- 7 min read
Table of Contents
YouTube Video
Intro
Why do people reject us? It seems that everywhere we turn in life we can find proof that the more we be ourselves, the more rejection and hurt we'll face. Whether this rejection is found in dating, relationships, job interviews, etc., nowhere seems safe to really open up and be ourselves vulnerably. The pain of the outside world, unfortunately, has taught many alike the illusion that it is safer to build masks and walls within ourselves as a form of protection. We become engrained with this way of worshipping a false sense of protection in childhood, oftentimes from our parents (unfortunately); and if we are lucky enough to look within and ask bigger questions to life as we grow, we may ask ourselves from a place of curiosity over judgment as to why. When we begin to shift our perspective from a place of internalizing people's treatment of us, and instead taking ourselves out of the equation and catching the underlying pulse behind their actions, not only do we begin to understand them better as a holistic being, but we begin to cultivate a deeper understanding of the world at large, including ourselves as a reflection.
Perhaps one of the biggest shames in our lives is what I call the 'calcification' of adulthood. It seems that the older we grow, the more parts of ourselves we hide, mask and conceal in fear of it being seen or discovered by the world. As children, we are so naturally in tune with our true nature, and who we really are and hide no parts of ourselves and our expression. Yet, the older we get, the more we undergo what author Don Miguel Ruiz calls, 'domestication' where we get molded by society of what parts of us are allowed and deemed safe/appropriate, and what aspects are embarrassing and need to be hidden. This is, I believe, one of the most, if not the biggest reason as to why adulthood can be seen as such a taxing and even soul sucking part of our lives. We learn to suppress our true nature, our souls and get really good at playing a game of dress up- where we pretend we don't have the troubles we do, that we are who we are presenting as, and that all the stuff we've accumulated along the way is actually making us happy.
Truth #1: You Are Actually Never Rejected
There are two 'you's, the real you, and the you you've collected throughout your past as a protection mechanism for operating in this unsafe world. Whenever you face rejection, it is never the real you that is being hurt or feeling any pain. It cannot. The real you is connected to God, to all things, there is no separation from the Oneness when you connect to the deepest, truest part of you. Pain, rejection, fear, and masks are only products of a world living in separation. Only our false masks and curated egoic self can be rejected and feel any pain from such experiences. Why? Because it is this false self playing this game and exacerbating all this energy in building walls, facades, masks and layers upon itself. So any challenge to these walls and ways it's built will make it feel uncomfortable, make it feel scared, make it feel unsafe. Your ego is the one that tries so hard to be liked, while the truly vulnerable you does not fear any opinion, person or feeling, because it is connected to all of them. It can be likened to a kid being upset when his sandcastles are knocked over- he is upset because he was the one that worked so hard on them. The true you doesn't play by these rules because there is nothing to hide, and when there is nothing to hide-there is nothing to reject. Rejection is a portal that can suck us into any of the most uncomfortable feelings that we have spent our entire lives suppressing and avoiding from confronting. This is what makes it so powerful, and this is the only power it really holds. An illusion. It's the same type of illusion that we see on the Wizard of Oz, where the big bad villain in the end is nothing more than a projection set to instill fear, with a coward behind it all. Likewise, the fear of rejection is just a cover for the confrontation of deeper emotions that lie underneath and we have suppressed.
When there is nothing to hide, there is nothing to reject
Truth #2: We Are Mirrors For What Others Have Suppressed Within Themselves
In my YouTube video that I link at the end of this article I go into more depth about this about this through the context of childhood and how much of this can start with our parents. You can see the video here. I gave a real personal example about how when I was growing up I was such a weird kid! I had the weirdest humor, the strangest way of thinking and it didn't get me really far socially (thank God for high school where it became cool), my weirdness was something that I noticed my mom didn't have a lot of patience or understanding for, and for the longest time I thought it meant something inherently intolerable about me. We all have this in our life, because when we are children we are so purely in tune with our souls and this beingness is something we radiate. It is an incredibly beautiful thing, but it can also be incredibly triggering for the adults in our lives who have undergone the 'domestication' process because it shines light onto their own uniqueness and self expression that they have suppressed. The parent/child relationship is a perfect example to give in making this point because we are literally products- genetically, energetically and psychologically- of our parents. I only noticed by growing up and seeing similar reaction patterns I have developed that reflect my mother when I see someone owning their own weirdness, and that flash of cringey-ness or judgment is merely a projection of my own discomfort from my own weirdness. When you step into yourself and out into the real world to let it glow, the light emanating from you will shine light on the suppressed parts of people that they've hidden away in the corners of their being. Because they themselves did not choose to consciously do the inner work of releasing that, they aren't ready to come to terms with the truth, and so the reaction becomes judgment or rejection. These actions come the fear that's rooted in the belief that it's bad or unsafe or wrong to be bold, unique, or even weird. Unfortunately, this is something most adults go through and have an incredibly hard time shaking themselves out of. Whenever we act as ourselves truthfully and entirely, and receive hate or judgment for it, we are merely seeing an externalized reaction to that individuals own inner conflict to that mirrored aspect of them.
When we act as ourselves truthfully and entirely, and receive judgment for it, we are merely seeing an externalized reaction of that individuals inner conflict to that mirrored aspect of them.
Truth #3: We Become What We Suppress within Ourselves
ANY aspect of ourselves- the good, the bad and the ugly, festers and only grows inside of us when we suppress it. You know those movie moments when people grow up and they look in the mirror and say: 'you became just like your mother/father'?, that comes from this. We become what we suppress. Indefinitely. All of our attributes are meant to be embraced in order to be consciously held, the minute we identify any aspect of ourselves as 'wrong' we deem it as inappropriate and embarrassing for the world and ourselves to see, and so we repress it within ourselves. Energy and emotions that have no outlets and only get stored, accumulate within the body. Energy and emotions are designed for movement and evolution, and when we don't hold a mature enough capacity to help them transmute into our strengths, they instead fester and become a contorted, unhealthy expression. It is from this place that becomes a trigger point, where we become reactive, act like fussy toddlers, and become quick to judge, reject, etc.. This is why Carl Jung's stress on the importance of shadow integration becomes so vital for human development. If we are to grow into our strongest potential and exemplify maturity and wisdom, then we must first be willing to bring all parts of ourselves to the table. Begin taking the first uncomfortable step of meeting you as you are and pick up where you left off with all the untethered parts of yourself. It is in our deepest meeting with ourselves that we become fully integrated.
The first step in feeling the detachment of others' judgments and rejection towards ourselves is to meet all parts of ourselves with open arms. Notice how this first is an internal process. Often, we make the mistake of loosely being ourselves in front of others before we ourselves come to accept ourselves, that energy quickly becomes about receiving approval and looking towards how others are reacting to us to see if it's safe and ok to come out as we are. Drop this, please. Make an internal commitment to integrating your truest form of yourself. And while the action may be taken within the external world, the focus should be on the internal world and what is taking place within yourself. This is unfolding a new way of meeting yourself, and very often we quite literally are picking up where we left off with unintegrated parts of ourselves.
Rejection is, in actuality, our opportunity to come back home to ourselves. Once we are able to see through the illusion and lies that the ego has built through rejection, we can begin to broaden our perspective to understand others who have judged us, the world and ourselves more compassionately. When we step into our natural born superpower of embracing ourselves as we are totally, then we can begin to make the shift into living authentically in tune with ourselves, where we are met with harmony, joy and the utmost fulfillment. This is what our purpose is and this is why we are here, to embody the flawed aspects of ourselves and say: 'you deserve to be here to', when we implement this, miracles happen.
Comments